5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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