I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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