We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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