I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
