i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we should paint friendship bongs
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