i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
