I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
