Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
