Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
