When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
