ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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