...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
