May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
