mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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