My Higher Power is John Stamos
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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