i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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