why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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