talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
