he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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