There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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