hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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