We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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