So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
