I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
