I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
