Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
