my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
