walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
