I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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