8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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