I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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