She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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