There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
