sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
