He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
