I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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