in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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