Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
