I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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