the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
