Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
