quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
