You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
