you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
