I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
