i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
