Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
