No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
