So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
