Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
