Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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