a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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