I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
