i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
