so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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