I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
