areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
