I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she peed on how many people?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
